


Bye, My First...

by AsterLight00



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, First Love, Hurt, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Moving On, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Regret, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 19:02:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20123308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsterLight00/pseuds/AsterLight00
Summary: First loves are always memorable but they're usually the most painful and they rarely ever last...





	Bye, My First...

He has a wonderful laugh, Mark's heart skips a beat by hearing the high pitched sound that he used to ignore. If before, he let it die in the background, now it's the main act, the most memorable part of the show that everyone who hears it would feel lucky that they were in the same vicinity as the singer. 

His eyes... it always shone brightly but, it has become so different, like a veil was pulled away from it to completely show everyone how bright it could be. It's not glazed with an indescribable emotion that used to clog Mark's mind at night, asking himself about Donghyuck's expression, about the things that he hid behind his eyes. The thing is, Donghyuck had always been transparent... but maybe, Mark believed that for so long that he never knew the other grew to become a good actor. 

Now, he doesn't need to act though. He doesn't feel like Donghyuck was forcing happiness out of him to live up to his name... no. Now, he's finally embracing it.

And he looks godly. 

Like Mark doesn't know why he's allowed to look at him. He doesn't know why he's seeing someone so exquisite, why he's so close to him and yet, he never felt so far. 

Donghyuck used to hate looking at photos of just the two of them together. He used to be so insecure with his body but now, he can look at them without cringing. He had always been beautiful, he just refused to accept it.

"Look, when we were younger I really used to follow you a lot." He giggled, the sound resulting in a tingling effect on Mark's spine. He'll never get used to it, the strange way that Donghyuck makes him feel. 

"Yeah, we were so awkward back then but I was glad that we went through all that together."

"Me, too. I think I even had a small crush on you when we were just starting. Hey, don't look at me like that, I wouldn't mention it if I still had feelings for you. I've grown up, hyung." 

The other let a gentle and comforting smile, like he had not just let out one of the biggest secrets that he kept throughout his teen years. It's the smile of someone who moved on, genuine but evidently lacking with passion. 

Mark looked shocked, but deep down he knew. He knew why the other followed him a lot and why he seemed to keep a specific smile for Mark out of everyone else in the room. Mark always noticed but always brushed it off, silly him who thought that it would never go away. 

"I actually teased you a lot because you wouldn't notice me until I pissed you off. When we were trainees, you wouldn't even stop practicing until I nag you to go back to the dorms." He sighed, "Damn, I was annoying but now they're just good memories to laugh about."

"Donghyuck-ah, I'm sorry--"

"Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything. It was all in the past. We were so young back then."

Mark couldn't help but nod, he muttered, "yeah... I'm glad we were together... through it all, Donghyuck." 

As much as he wants to tell Donghyuck that his feelings were not unrequited, he knew that he's a few months too late. He doesn't want Donghyuck to consider him as a stupid part of his youth, he wants to be part of his future, too, but he never actually saw him smile nor laugh as happily as he does now. Not even the smiles reserved for him were as beautiful as the ones he freely shows the world at the present, Mark couldn't help but feel that he really held him back. 

The other glowed more when he decided to focus on himself than to make Mark his priority and Mark couldn't risk to turn that bright light off because of a confession that was withered away by time, never spoken on the right moment, seemingly meant to be buried forever.

He might be dense but he knows that the other has already closed his heart to him and opened it to others. It's a bit fragile but handled with care, unlike Mark who unknowingly caused its cracks that are going to be there for a long time. 

While the other was looking through the photos of them saved on his phone. Mark wrapped his arms around Donghyuck, he was a bit stiff at first because of the strange gesture, Mark rarely really showed affection towards him. He made himself believe that it was a way to protect himself from completely falling for the other but he only managed to complicate things until they can no longer be resolved. 

He's hoping that the hug would, at least, mend their unlabelled relationship but he knows that it's like wishing for a miracle. They have both grown apart... even more so when the company decided to push them together as a way to bait more fans. It caused a riff on their already fragile friendship because Mark chose to stay away from him behind cameras... and it completely broke Donghyuck's heart in the process. 

The thing is, Donghyuck would have loved the physical contact if it happened a few months or years earlier but he has finally accepted that pursuing Mark would only be like jumping off a cliff with no one to save him. 

He would have loved it if only the other called more when he was injured and needed someone to reassure him that he's going to be alright, that he wouldn't lose his dreams, that a broken leg won't decide that he had wasted his youth for a fleeting dream and a love that will never be returned. 

No. 

Donghyuck healed from the heartaches. 

He gave his all to his first love, even wanted him to be the last, like he couldn't love another person that wasn't Mark. 

But, he was wrong, and he only understood how wrong he was until he decided to let go. It was like he was learning how to breathe again after drowning for so long. 

He chose to be happy and nothing can ever make him feel sad now, especially the person who caused him a lot of heart aches in the past. 

He pulled away, like, he knew what Mark meant but he's determined not to go back to his old self. 

"Hey, what brought this up? Feeling sorry for pushing me away before?" He asked jokingly, to lighten up the mood. He was always good at pretending, but he isn't pretending now. 

"... I just missed you." Mark spoke softly, like he's shy of his best friend's reaction, if he can still even call him that. 

"You don't have to miss me, I'm right here."

"I know, but I still do." 

If Mark was talking about the person who used to love him back and didn't look at other people other than him, he chose not to say it. Because, he too, knew that he was at fault for losing his first love. And oh, it hurts a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> It has a lot of grammatical errors but I still can't help but post it. Someday, I might rewrite it? Lessen its vagueness or something but for now, here's the first markhyuck fic that i wrote after imagining it in the shower.


End file.
